Strach: Nepřítel, nebo učitel?
Strach může být buď naším pomocníkem, nebo překážkou. V obou případech však plní jednu základní funkci – chrání nás. Otázkou je, před čím nás skutečně chrání a jakým způsobem. Nedívejme se na strach vždy jako na nepřítele nebo překážku. Jsou situace, kdy nám může velice pomoci. Také nezaměňujme snahu dítě chránit před strachem za lásku, ochranu a pomoc. Je to spíše brždění a pro dítě v budoucnu zbytečná nevýhoda.
Co je za strachem?
Některé strachy nás mohou brzdit od činů, které máme v plánu. Například když mám v úmyslu někoho kontaktovat nebo s něčím novým začít, ale strach mě drží zpět. Při hlubším pohledu zjistím, že se tento strach možná snaží chránit mou vizi, kterou bych mohl svým jednáním narušit. Ne vždy je strach nepřítel – někdy nás drží na kurzu, který jsme si zvolili.
Jiné strachy jsou naučené – často už v dětství. Rodiče, kteří neumožní dětem zjistit, kde mají své vlastní hranice, nevědomě brání jejich růstu. Dítě si tak nemůže “narazit nos” a získat přirozený respekt – nikoli strach – k výškám, zranění nebo nebezpečí. Tyto přejaté strachy se pak usadí hluboko v podvědomí a může trvat roky, než je překonáme. První zkušenost totiž silně formuje, jak situace vnímáme a jak budeme reagovat v budoucnu.
Asistované selhání: učme, místo abychom chránili
Jedním z nejúčinnějších způsobů, jak dítě naučit zvládat nebezpečné situace, je metoda, které říkám “asistované selhání”. Nejde o to dítěti říkat, co nemá dělat, ale umožnit mu zažít danou situaci v bezpečném prostředí.
Například když dítě balancuje na křesle a hrozí, že spadne – místo varování a zákazu – s ním pád nacvičíme. Chytneme ho tak, aby se mu nic nestalo, a celý pád spolu pomalu projdeme. Dítě tak získá zkušenost, jak pád probíhá, co při něm tělo dělá a jak z něj může bezpečně „vystoupit“ nebo ho zvládnout.
Když to s ním několikrát zopakujeme, nasytí se zkušeností, získá přirozený respekt a představu o tom, co má dělat, a nebude potřebovat “strach”, aby se dané situaci vyhýbalo, ale jak dítě, tak i vy budete vědět, že to zvládne. Překonání malých a “bezpečných” překážek vede ke zvýšení sebevědomí a osobní síle překonat i ty větší.
Ano, každý člověk překoná překážku, která je před ním, ale je důležité si uvědomit, za jakou cenu a zda vyjde silnější nebo více vystrašený a bojácný.
Pokud se dítě rozhodne něco zkusit, je již připravené situaci zvládnout a je na nás, abychom mu s tím pomohli.
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